Redeeming the "Mean Boss": Making Simple Changes in Workplace Behavior to go from Dysfunctional to Flourishing

This past Sunday, The New York Times published a thought provoking article regarding a perennial source of workplace conflict: the mean boss.  In her article, “No Time to be Nice at Work,” Professor Christine Porath paints an all too familiar picture: the harried management official who either cannot find the time to treat her colleagues with respect, or worries that being seen as “nice” will undermine her effectiveness in the workplace, and instead chooses to establish her authority by exercising what her colleagues perceive as rude behavior.  But as the research repeatedly points out, failing to take the time to acknowledge other people in the workplace with basic respect leads to the conflicts that prevent an organization from functioning, much less flourishing.

As Porath eloquently states, “How we treat one another at work matters. Insensitive interactions have a way of whittling away at people’s health, performance and souls.”

Unless you are dealing with a fundamentally bad person (which is rarely the case), the mean boss can be redeemed.  Simple behavior modifications, starting with the awareness of ineffective “mean boss” behaviors and deciding to change them, can make huge differences in the workplace, leading to significantly less conflict, higher employee engagement and increased productivity and effectiveness.

Porath’s article reminded me of a busy executive I worked with.  Although the team she led routinely met her organization’s goals, her staff reported high levels of dissatisfaction and her team faced high turnover rates.  One of the key problems, it turned out, was this executive’s inadvertent “mean boss” behaviors.

Like all busy professionals, this executive was addicted to multi-tasking.  This meant that she would routinely call in subordinates for meetings, but instead of focusing on what they had to report, she would often keep her back towards them, responding to emails and typing away at her computer while only half listening, and half responding, to what her staff had to say.  She would routinely interrupt her staff to make quick calls to her secretary, or attend to something else she felt was suddenly more pressing.  In her mind, she was doing it all, and she thought by demonstrating how busy she was at all times, her staff would understand and appreciate more what attention she could spare them.

Of course, her behaviors were having the exact opposite effect.  A simple audit of her staff revealed that her method of conducting meetings left employees feeling frustrated, disrespected and unheard.  Just as Porath’s article predicts, this eventually led to employees shutting down, or worse, leaving the organization. 

Luckily, this was a problem that could be addressed.  Upon realizing how this behavior was affecting her team, this executive could choose to conduct face to face meetings in a focused manner, without multitasking or performing in ways to demonstrate her busyness and authority.  By choosing instead to focus entirely on her employees during these meetings, her employees could now feel heard and respected, which increases their workplace engagement.  The additional benefit is that the added focused attention in meetings ensures that all relevant information was transferred between the manager and employees, leading to more thoughtful and effective decision making.  

Improved communication could put this team back on track.  All it takes is simple tweaks to fix “mean boss” behavior.

If you find yourself in a challenging work environment, or you are a busy manager who cannot understand why your employees appear to be routinely frustrated in the workplace, consider bringing in a workplace conflict resolution consultant.  After conducting a simple workplace audit to highlight areas of concerns and identify problem behaviors, you can then focus on making simple modifications to take your workplace from dysfunctional to flourishing.

The Importance of Effective Workplace Communication

After spending seven years as a senior trial attorney with the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, I have had the opportunity to witness all the many ways that workplace conflict can unfold.  Even though the conflicts grow in many ways, having various repercussions throughout the entire workplace, they all usually started in the same way: some critical failure to communicate at work.

Conflicts at work are often the result of a misunderstanding, and the failure to understand each other arises out of a failure to effectively communicate what we mean and what we need.  As with most things in life, prevention is the best medicine.  We all play a role in the conflicts in our workplace, and as such, we all have the ability to help minimize conflicts that arise out of a failure to communicate.  

There are three basic tools for managing conflict arising out of a failure to communicate. 

First, look to see what you are doing to contribute to the lack of understanding.  Could you be more clear or concrete in communicating your position, or asking your question? If you can identify behaviors that prevent you from being heard or understood, you can greatly improve your communication skills, and more successfully prevent and manage workplace conflict.  

Second, try to assume the best intentions of the party you are in conflict with.  It is all too easy to get our hackles raised because we make assumptions that the person we are in conflict with is trying to hurt us.  This prevents effective communication.  Try to at least assume neutrality, and listen to what they are saying without bias. 

Third, if you still find yourself in disagreement with what the other person is saying, ask them why they are saying what they are saying.  This allows you to get clarity on what they are saying and what their motivations are.  It prevents you from becoming needlessly defensive, and helps to move the conversation forward in a productive way, one that is rooted in understanding.  Once you have an understanding, you are on the path to resolving conflict.

If you find yourself already deeply mired in workplace conflict, consider bringing in the assistance of a third party neutral.  Mediators can serve as an important fix when conflict manifests.  Especially in situations where there has been a breakdown in communication, mediators can help right the ship by engaging in the three steps I outline above.  Mediators can act as proxies for the parties in conflict by asking the hard questions, diffusing existing tensions and clearing the path to resolution.

And if you find that your workplace has chronic problems with communication failures and conflict?  Engaging with a neutral, third party coach can help managers and employees identify communication behaviors that stand in the way of their being understood, and work on developing more effective communication methods.   

If conflict persists, consider engaging with a third party neutral to look at where communication breakdowns are regularly occurring in your workplace in order to design better systems for workplace communication and interaction in order to minimize conflict and maximize productivity and workplace satisfaction.  

Workplaces are, by definition, spaces where people interact and communicate in order to get things done.  As such, conflict will arise.  But that does not mean workplaces are doomed.  To the contrary, by focusing on developing and supporting effective communication skills, we can take steps to ensure functional, desirable, and successful workplaces.

Mediation, Facilitation and “The Hollywood Model”

I recently had an opportunity to be on the set of a major Hollywood movie filming nearby.  For three days – the first three days of filming for this massive project – I got the chance to observe an entirely different workplace in action.  There were beautiful celebrities, harried assistant directors and production assistants, giant cameras and improbably large set pieces, and over a hundred extras.  There was movie magic a plenty.  And there was also total chaos.

Standing next to an assistant director, I could hear profanity laden orders shouted down through his head set.  Decisions were made, then changed, then made again in a repeated loop throughout the 14 to 15 hour days on set.  With each change came terse language, barked orders and more profanity.  Production assistants scurried about, extras milled around, and everyone was tired, hungry and confused.  The left hand had no idea what the right hand was doing.

By the end of the second day of filming, I could see that there were several meltdowns happening all over the set.  Although everyone had started out so enthusiastic and invested, that good will was beginning to quickly deteriorate.  No one looked like they were having any fun.  At the end of the day, after a grueling 15 hours on set, an assistant director was sent out to apologize to everyone about total lack of communication.  And this was only day two of a two month shoot.

Watching the chaos, all I could think was, “What this workplace needs is a good mediator and facilitator.”  

Facilitated dialogues are critical tools to help workplaces function smoothly.  Like any workplace, for a movie set to function smoothly good communication is critical.  Facilitated dialogues are one of the best methods to ensure effective communication in a work environment.

For example, on this particular set, it was clear that there was no obvious chain of command.  As a result, no one knew exactly what their roles were, and everyone was afraid of making decisions.  A facilitated dialogue could have prevented this by bringing everyone together, establishing what the ultimate goals are, clearly establishing what everyone’s role is, identifying problems to working within those roles to achieve those goals, and finally brainstorming solutions. 

In essence, facilitation can help a workplace establish the mechanisms it needs to achieve its goals in the most productive and efficient manner.  And a well-trained workplace mediator is the perfect person to help establish those mechanisms by facilitating the necessary discussions.

Much has been made lately about the so-called “Hollywood model.”  Pundits figure that this is the business model of the future, wherein talented teams are brought in to accomplish projects, just as a team of highly skilled individuals is brought in to complete a major motion picture.  There may be merit to this model, but my experience on set has shown me that one member of the team cannot be overlooked.  The mediator and facilitator is critical to helping ensure effective communication, increase employee engagement, and help solve the problems that stand in the way of staying on time, on budget and on message.  And that sounds like a true Hollywood happy ending.